And Now It's Really Real

Jul. 27th, 2017 08:13 pm
everchangingmuse: 900 year Diary from the 1996 tv movie "Doctor Who" (Default)
[personal profile] everchangingmuse
The surgical scheduler called me back this morning, and she set me up with my hysterectomy date. In just about a month, I won't have a uterus. I've got an email with instructions, and I took notes from the scheduler over the phone. I'll be back at work with kids for a week before the surgery, and then gone for a month or so.

I've started telling the people I need to tell. I texted my co-advisers in NHS today, as well as my department head. I emailed my AP, discovered they're out of state, but they're calling me tomorrow to talk. I've posted about it on my facebook, which I've refrained from doing until I had a firm date.

So, now it's actually happening. And it's scarier than I thought it would be, admitting it to others. People are being supportive, but it's still daunting.

I'm going to start making a checklist of everything I need to do in various contexts, leading up to the surgery date. I'll be adding to it, I'm sure, but there's a lot to get done and make happen between now and then. And I'm sure I'll forget something if I don't start making lists.

Trying not to Panic

Jul. 26th, 2017 10:36 pm
everchangingmuse: Haruno Sumire as Der Tod asking "WTF?" (Osa WTF 1)
[personal profile] everchangingmuse
I've been waiting since Thursday last for the Surgery Scheduler to call. My GYN-Oncologist said that if they didn't call by today, to give them a call, but it shouldn't come to that.

I called a little after 4 and got the voice mail. I left a message, as requested (though I'm not sure if I remembered to include my phone number), and according to the recording, they'll get back to me within 48 hours.

I'm calling again tomorrow morning. I won't leave a message, since the recording specifically says not to, but I want to talk to a real person. I need to have a date for my hysterectomy.

We got our teacher work week schedules in the mail and via email over the last few days, and there are things I have to go to, assuming I'm not having my uterus removed. Plans for the beginning of the year change depending on when that happens. I kind of need to know.

I've been more or less okay this last week, because I had a deadline I was waiting for. I'd know by today what was happening when. And now I don't. It is not helping my anxiety. Neither has the PMS and today's lovely start of my period, with all that entails. I'm really hoping the worst of it happens overnight, so I'll be asleep through it. Likely not, but a lady can dream.

In other medical news, I talked to my mom today. She's got to start taking meds for her bones - osteoperosis. Which is genetic, to an extent, from what she told me. And she's gotten fitted for hearing aids - finally! She failed her hearing test at her physical, and got referred to an audiologist, who's going to be gradually adjusting the devices so mom can hear better. Apparently ear systems work like eyeglasses - what a "normal" person hears at x decibels, mom hears at y decibels. So they can't just set it to standard, or it'd be way too loud for her. Also, the audiologist said that based on the fact that her hearing loss is practically identical in both ears, it's probably hereditary. More stuff to look forward to when I get older.

Not that I actually mind getting older. Not mentally, at least. I've lived all those years, darn it, and I like being able to say how old I am. I know not everyone is comfortable with admitting their age - even to themselves (I have a few friends who will be "turning 29" for the ninth time this year). I am. What I don't like is the fact that my body has started betraying me as I've gotten older. And, based on what my parents are discovering, it's likely my body will betray me more.

And there is me moaning and groaning. Anxiety talking, making me focus on things that won't likely happen for years, and telling me that no, you need to worry about them right now. You need to worry about all the things right now.

I need to worry about the upcoming hysterectomy right now. I need to plan for it. Which means I need to know when it's happening. So tomorrow, I call again. And I wait by the phone again. Once I have a date, I can schedule things. I can be productive. I fucking hate being in limbo.

It's Official...

Jul. 21st, 2017 10:18 pm
everchangingmuse: Shibuki Jun from Seal of Roses (francis says what is this shit?)
[personal profile] everchangingmuse
I went to the GYN-Oncologist yesterday. My mother-in-law drove me out the hour to the office. The appointment was a standard GYN appointment, at least in terms of PAP things.

The doctor was nice. He started by asking me what I knew about my current situation, and then went on to clarify things for me.

According to the analysis of my biopsy, there's a 68% chance that the tissue they took is cancerous. But, he said that's a conservative percentage, and to assume that it is indeed cancer until they can examine it more closely.

It's not almost-cancer anymore. It's being called cancer. That's scary.

The doctor was quick to tell me that it's one of the easiest cancers to treat, and that they do the procedures like mine ten to fifteen times a week. He then explained exactly what is going to happen. Hysterectomy. My uterus, cervix, Fallopian tubes, and lymph nodes that attach to the uterus are all being removed. They'll dye those with ink so they don't take the ones attached to my bladder or anything. Five hole-shaped incisions in my belly, kind of like hole punches, to insert instruments and things. Then, they'll remove my uterus through my vagina. Part of the pap was to make sure the vaginal opening was large enough to accommodate the uterus.

As for when this surgery will take place, that's still undecided. The person in charge of it will be calling me to schedule and give me information by mid-week next week. If I don't hear from them, the doctor said to call myself. I've got the cards for both that person and the doctor.

I'm going to take the first opportunity presented for the surgery, obviously. The doctor says recovery time will be between 2 and 4 weeks. And the surgery might not happen before school starts. At this point, I'd prefer it be a week or two after the kids come back, so I can prep them for what's coming and start the school year off on my terms.

I will have to talk to my co-advisers in NHS. With this coming up, I can't devote the mental energy to dealing with induction and all the start-of-year stuffs. Too much stress, and I'm already getting tired just from minimal effort from stress. The idea of adding to it? Nope. I'm going to be reducing Anime Club meetings at the beginning of the year as well, unless I can find a new co-sponsor or sponsor helper who's willing to corral that many kids on Fridays. We'll see.

So, yeah. Uterine cancer. Fun stuff. Anyone else reading this ever have cancer treatments? How'd they go for you? So far, no one's saying I need chemo, but I may need additional surgery to remove the ovaries, depending on how far the cancer's spread in my reproductive system. If I were a few years older, there wouldn't be a question about keeping them - they'd just go.

Mid-July Update

Jul. 19th, 2017 09:29 pm
everchangingmuse: oozora yuuhi looking thoughtful (yuuhi pondering)
[personal profile] everchangingmuse
So much has happened in the last few days, I can't limit a post to just one topic. So, in no particular order:

1. My sister got married! We went down last Friday to meet family and do the rehearsal dinner. It was amazing to see my extended family again! Rooming with my brother and his girlfriend...not so much. I got maybe 3 hours of sleep between Friday and Saturday, due to an incident. I was up at 4:40 Saturday morning, so I could go pick up my sister and her maid of honor and get them to the salon for their 6am appointment. We stopped at Starbucks to pick up drinks, and once I'd gotten them and their things settled, I went back out to pick up donuts for the bridal party (and me!). I also had to run out and pick up a full clothes steamer - the travel-sized one they had wasn't robust enough to steam her wedding dress. She offered to pay me back for it, but we've wanted a steamer for a while, and her wedding provided an excuse.

We got her to the venue and into her dress, and the ceremony was gorgeous. My sister was gorgeous. She was beaming and her eyes smiled as much as her mouth. Her fiance was nervous, but just as excited as she was. I got very misty eyed, but couldn't quite cry, because they both were so happy and so very obviously in love. I didn't end up crying till my dad's speech at the reception. The reception was very fun. It started a little late, thanks to a snafu with my sister's dress - the people who'd tailored it didn't give very detailed instructions as to how to properly bustle the train - but no one noticed or cared, aside from my sister. We ate, hung out, danced - and got my parents to dance a few times! - and had a general good time. We blew bubbles at her and her husband as they left the reception, and as everyone started drifting away, my brother and I helped her maid of honor clean up.

She is currently off on her honeymoon in Europe. My sister has never been abroad, so she's going to be so excited! I was completely psyched about her wedding, and being able to help her get ready and get her off on her new phase of life made me so happy.

2. I got the wedding equivalent of "con crud". Not sure entirely what it was, but probably a combination of many, many factors. When we got back to the hotel, I passed out. My wife and I didn't end up going to dinner with the family because I couldn't keep my eyes open. I woke up enough to eat a sandwich, then passed back out. I ended up throwing up before breakfast, and being completely wiped all day - to the point that my wife called the theatre where the play we'd planned to see that day, and exchanged our tickets for next weekend, then drove me home. I was still wiped out on Monday, and was getting better yesterday. I feel pretty good today, to the point that I've done things. I've walked around without getting fatigued, which was a plus. Especially given that I have my appointment tomorrow.

3. OMG NEW DOCTOR!!!!! Now that I'm not completely exhausted, as I was when I found out on Sunday, I can properly squee over the new announcement. Jodie Whittaker! Now, I have no idea who she is, since I've not seen Broadchurch, but I have yet to be truly disappointed by a Doctor. I haven't known much about any of the Doctors before seeing them in the part, honestly, so I'm just living on the squee of knowing. I have thoughts and feels, but I don't have the coherence to put them down just yet.

4. Doctor's visit tomorrow. So, I have my appointment with an oncologist-gynecologist tomorrow in the early afternoon. The office is an hour away, assuming decent traffic. I'm nervous, but I'm looking forward to the visit. It's taking action on this almost-cancer thing, and I'd rather be taking action than waiting. My mother-in-law is driving up to go with me, since my wife has to work, and my mom's too far away for a day trip. Mom's planning to come up for a few days after the surgery, whenever that will be. I'll hopefully have more information on that tomorrow.

So, yay. Life updates. Some happy, some not. I think the positive outweighs the negative right now. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll still feel that way after tomorrow.

Friday Five, July 14, 2017

Jul. 14th, 2017 06:56 am
everchangingmuse: (chapi's overjoyed)
[personal profile] everchangingmuse
I find today's questions especially apropos, considering my sister is getting married tomorrow, and we're going down after my wife's done with work today to start participating in wedding-related things. So, though it's been a long while, I'm doing the Friday Five.

1) Do you want to get married? I am married! But, I would not mind doing a vow renewal.

2) Where would you like to get married? I got married in C-ville. If I did my dream renewal, I'd love to do a destination one in either Vienna or Copenhagen.

3) If you were getting married in a week, who would be in your wedding party? I didn't have a wedding party per se the first time, so.... My brother, my sister (pretending she's not on her honeymoon), and a few friends from college.

4) What would your wedding colours be? We did reds and blacks last time, for what little we chose colors. This time? Purples and blues and cream. And blue hydrangeas. Always blue hydrangeas.

5) Does marriage mean to you 'til death do us part?' Yes. My wife and I both feel this way, for us. It's different for every person, but we wouldn't say words to that effect if we didn't mean them.


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